I’ll be honest with you, I spent a full week wrestling with the topic of texture. No matter what angle I used, nothing would come together for me. How to work with your hair’s natural texture? Top texture fashion trends for summer? How to add more texture to your workout? How to pamper yourself with…texture? Everything felt a little overdone, dull, or ridiculous. On a whim, I headed to dictionary.com and entered the word “texture.” Among the other more conventional definitions, I also found this:

tex·ture –noun. An essential or characteristic quality; essence.

Another definition says:

tex·ture –n. Distinctive or identifying quality or character.

It’s easy to think about the best way to style my hair based on its natural texture. Or, if a chunky tweed is too heavy, I can pair it with a light cotton skirt. But in the middle of my everyday child-rearing, meal-preparing, husband-supporting, house-cleaning, playdate-hosting life, I tend to lose sight of my personal texture – my essential, distinctive, identifying qualities. Basically, what makes me me.

So how in the world do we reclaim something of ourselves in what is often an others-focused day? I believe there are two key steps: you must identify your own personal texture – those qualities that are essential to you – and you must figure out how to nurture them and work them into your everyday life.

For example, I am a people person who needs connection and meaningful relationships to thrive. While we were still living in New York City after the birth of our first son, I was completely isolated. I didn’t have any other friends with children, so I spent every day by myself with my new baby. I was miserable. However, since we moved to our new town last summer, I have connected with lots of other women in our neighborhood, through our church and through community organizations. This change alone has made a huge and positive difference in my life.

Maybe you’re a more solitary person, but find yourself surrounded by people all day. How can you fit more alone time into your day? Maybe artistic expression nurtures your soul, but you work in a corporate environment. Where can you find an outlet for your creative side? Perhaps physical activity invigorates you, but you’re stuck at home with children all day. How can you carve out space to run, dance, swim, or climb – whatever energizes you, body and soul.

Making the time for the things that are essentially you, that define who you are, isn’t always easy. But doing what it takes to reclaim your personal texture, the very essence of who you are, is always worth it. And not just for yourself – you will often find it makes you a more fulfilled wife, mother, daughter, employee and friend.

What is your personal texture, and how do you find the time to nurture what makes you you?